beautiful.

Ah, what a beautiful day.
I've been deep within myself for the past couple of, whatever the time amount was and I feel so selfish and embarrassed.
I feel like I need to explain myself to the world, but instead of doing that I will praise Him instead.
For he is beautiful.
And everything he creates is beautiful.
Being in his arms is really the only place i ever want to be,
and i'm thankful for that mindset.
These words come to me easier than when i'm in the dumps, in that hole i call myself. my mind.
i need to escape myself and run to him more often,
it is way more rewarding.
[let me tell you.]
i miss her, and i wish she would understand why.
i wish i could talk to her now.
i miss him, even though i saw him last night.
and instead of apologizing to everyone [which i will anyway,] i want to show them love instead.
show them happiness,
instead of this gloom that i let consume me for the past whatever weeks.
and no, i'm not mentioning that pokemon.
i missed this sunshine, this time for myself.
work has been so stressful because i let it be stressful.
i was so selfish with thinking that everything was wrong, nothing was going to be okay, and i didn't know what happiness was.
i let other people go away from me because of that mind set.
i was too consumed in this world.
but after today,
after today
he showed me what happiness was.
and that's what i was looking for all along.
with the help of his beauty,
and his love.
yes i trust you
yes i can feel you now.
thank you.
you are wonderful.
NOW
bring on this week!
these stressful work days are nothing!
because i do them for you, because you are there for me and with me.
these finals are nothing!
but i still am going to do them to glorify you.
after this week is over,
this hell week that i've created
i will be so relieved.
but right now i need to feel that peace
to get me to that relief
to that fulfillment
i want to say to that satisfaction, to that satisfied feeling
but really nothing in this world can satisfy me and my wants.
but you can fulfill me with yourself.
which is what i need,
i don't know that all the time because i'm human
but you know that is what i need.
and you know me more than i know myself.